GAY PEOPLE's ChroNICLE

FEBRUARY 20, 1998

Food that will Please You

At a price that Won't Squeeze You!

Healthy, Wholesome, Simple

Now featuring vegetarian and macrobiotic meals

Stop by the Red Star Cafe and pick up your free pass for a Thurs. Feb. 26th 7:30 p.m. screening of the film, La Vie En Rose at the Cedar Lee Theatre in Cleveland Heights.

GOLDEN GLOBE AWARD WINNER • BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM "STUNNING!" "NOT TO BE MISSED!"

RICHARD CORLISS, TIME MAGAZINE

DAVID ANSEN, NEWSWEEK

Ma Vie En Rose

OFFICIAL BELGIAN ENTRY

ACADEMY TM AWARD

BEST FOREIGN

LANGUAGE FILM

R.R

(my life in pink)

A FILM BY ALAIN BERLINER

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Exclusive Engagement

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BIG TIPS

Looking for the real thing, or simply having fun

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone Dear M.T.,

I have a serious problem with the advice that you have given to "Looking for the Real Thing at 39" [Jan. 23 issue].

You stated that "Looking" was "projecting some serious bitterness that's gonna [sic] make it really hard [for you] to score... "What kind of advice is that? From what I gathered reading the letter, it was precisely the point of his letter. He is bitter that men only want to score, his question was not how to score, but how to meet other men that have the same interests and views as himself. Besides, many gay men, believe it or not, are not out in the bars for sex . . .

I find it appalling that you would even suggest that the only reason men or women go out to the gay clubs is to find their next "trick. "I do not go to the bars to look for sex, but to enjoy time with my friends, have a few drinks, meet new people and dance, and I am sure there are many others like me in that respect. Why does the gay community continue to suppress those who feel... that there is more to life than the next lay?

I also find quite offensive your statement that "[I] can only hope that you were drunk when you wrote this..." Why? Are you ashamed that gay people may, when sober, not find sex foremost on their minds? Or that gay people have to be drunk to be bitter about something that obviously bothers them? How completely intolerant on your part!

As far as it being "shitty and incorrect to say [that your] HIV status indicates any sort of 'correctness' of lifestyle," I feel you were reading way too much into his statement, which was simply "Since I've remained HIV negative despite 23% of the gay scene being HIV positive, I've obviously lived correctly!"

What is wrong with that statement? To him, using a condom is living correctly. I'd be hardpressed to find anyone to disagree... Besides, he was not passing judgment on others: he was referring to himself.

My advice to "Looking" would have been: It must be tough to feel as if you're the only person in a bar that has these views on sex and dating, but if you're there, you're probably not the only one. Bars are places where we accept one another's differences, and celebrate ourselves. Don't give up hope, "Looking": Chances are, the man you're looking for is standing right next to you! Otherwise, you may want to get involved in some activities you enjoy. There are many gay functions that occur outside of the gay bars, so give them a try! (That would have been a "constructive and sensitive" way of dealing with his question!)

Next time you feel you must stand up and lambaste someone for having different moral views than yours, please either excuse yourself from writing on the subject or don't print it. You've violated your paper 's code, which is to "keep letters constructive, and avoid name-calling and personal attacks" Or does that policy not include paid staffers of the newspaper? Thank you for letting me air my opinion. Offended in Lakewood

Dear Ann Landers,

Thanks for the input. Just a couple of thoughts:

1. What a nut I was to say that lots of gay men go to bars to get laid!

2. Finding someone with the same interests and views as yourself, when you're "Looking for the Real Thing," is scoring.

3. "Looking's" original letter was heavily edited to make it, well, comprehensible. I remain hopeful that he was suffering the ill effects of a hard night out, and not those of a painfully inadequate school system.

4. It's shitty and incorrect to say that your HIV status indicates any correctness of lifestyle.

5. I'm all for smooching the troubled brows of the deserving, but sometimes concern's gotta be expressed with a smack to the head. We underestimate our potential for change and growth when we "dumb down" the message to be polite or inoffensive.

Dear M.T.,

I read the latest regarding, "Where do I find guys who want more than just sex?” I just wanted to say thank you and to tell "Looking for the Real Thing at 39" he needs not to have the attitude it appears he does. Saying hello in a bar is a reciprocal act.

I'm 42, pretty down-to-earth type person, HIV positive and living my life... doing above and beyond excellent. I love the outdoors, camping, dancing around bonfires naked, and taking responsibility for my actions to others and Earth as well.

I happen to also love to go out and dance, have a couple drinks and kick up my heels... indeed, I am a dancing bear. I like cards, Scrabble, and am a homeowner as well... Overall, I am pretty much just kicking out that I am one of “those” people that go out to bars, dance, toss my dollar bills in a "fancy" crotch and recognize that I am there to have fun.

If it ever happens that indeed I should meet "Looking for the Real Thing" then hopefully he will recognize that I am having fun and that there is much more to me than just going out to the bar, being shallow or obscene (cause if I see a hunk and the chemistry is right and he wants to play too—you bet your sweet pecan danish I'm going to frolic—and fix coffee and breakfast the next morning).

Anyway, I just wanted to take a minute to say "thanks" from one of the many people that do go out, dance, have a drink or two, and drop a few dollars simply having fun.

Dear D.B., Thanks.

Dancing Bear

Keep sending your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.

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